Claire Bowman of Bournville Quakers shares a talk that she recently delivered as part of a U3A (University of the Third Age) session on Faith and Friendship. The two other speakers were a Bahai and a Jain.
The object of the series was to explore what friendship means in different faiths – with family, the community, others of your faith and of no faith, people of different ethnicity and people in other countries. This is what I decided to say. What would you say?
This is an interesting topic for a member of the Religious Society of Friends, calling ourselves Friends as we do. Originally the name was the Religious Society of the Friends of Truth but became just the Religious Society of Friends quite early on. It’s a way of affirming that we see each other as all equal. We don’t use titles. Briefly I’d like to go back to our beginnings to explain this further:
George Fox, our founder , who lived between 1624 and 1691 was a dissenting preacher in civil war times. . The son of a Leicestershire weaver, he had developed a firm understanding that it was possible for each and every human being to experience and be guided by that of God within themself. Without being told what to do by others we can sink down into ourself and get direct guidance on how to live our life and relate to others. God is within us and as God loves us all we are equal
As a young man he wrote that as a child
‘The Lord taught me to be faithful in all things and to act faithfully both inwardly to God and outwardly to man’
He was known for his innocence and honesty as a young man and as he developed into maturity, through experience of observing those who professed Christianity but showed no sign of spiritual conversion he became disillusioned with their excessive drinking of alcohol, their attitude to life and their violence in the name of religion. At last after talking to many wise men and finding that none could sufficiently answer his concerns, leaving him very depressed, he had a profound religious experience in which he came to understand that if he turned to Christ he would have a true friend so it didn’t matter if nobody on earth shared his concern for living an authentic life. This I believe is the deep central truth that underpins Quakerism.
He didn’t seek to found a movement but his preaching eventually gathered crowds of up to 1000 people and many who heard him were also convinced that they could reference that of God within themselves and did not need the questionable guidance of priests. They felt that what they had discovered was so exciting and profound that they too sought to convince others.
Over the years the early principles of truth and integrity, simplicity and peace have developed into the testimonies by which Quakers live their lives. They are challenging to live up to and it leads to a distinctive way of life. Every day is an adventure of trying to live more simply and with integrity. Trying to give up and step away from anything in our own life which might contain the seeds of war for instance and seeking to do the best we can to reuse, repair and recycle to help the planet. We are encouraged by sayings such as a life well lived is a source of great strength and the humble, meek, just and pious souls are everywhere of one religion.
Friends, as we call ourselves, understand that each person has that of God within themselves, even if they are unaware of it and that everyone is on their own spiritual journey, so that what they may be able to understand and cope with now is likely to change and develop in the light of experience.
Quakerism is understood from within the Society of Friends as a way of life rather than a set of rules, regulations and rituals. Every day is a special day. Regular practice of silent waiting on God in meetings for worship, combined with ministry from anyone present from time to time as led, leads to a way of being as an individual that is comfortable with being alone and silent. Quakers generally seek to be understanding in interpersonal friendship. We tend to make good listeners and take care to sense the essence of the person we are with, rather than focussing on their current mood or behaviour. It’s not the practice of Friends, for instance, to complain if someone misses a meeting or cancels an engagement. We assume that they have good reason. We say that they have been prevented and no blame is attached.
That Quakers seek to tell the truth and can be relied upon has been much valued over the last 400 years, especially in business. A number of Friends became well known bankers – the Barclays and the Lloyds for instance, because people trusted them with their money.
Until quite recently Quakers tended to marry other Quakers, so there were many Quaker families that would help each other in business and commit their time and money to their Quaker Meetings (as we call our worshipping communities). Thus the life of a Quaker community was well nourished and very friendly. These days many Friends are the only Quaker in their family, so that conducting their Quaker life is more challenging, especially in an age when in many families both parents work and the weekend is the only time when a family can do things together. Moreover often young parents often live at a distance from their wider family and lack the support of grandparents, aunts and uncles. Thus it is that many Friends just come to meeting for worship on Sunday morning if they can make it and restrict their worshipping life to local Quaker activities, never getting involved with regional, national and international activities.
Friendship with those of other denominations and faiths can be a challenge for some Quakers. They may have arrived seeking refuge from elsewhere, finding themselves at home with the concept/precept of having their own inner guide and not having to be ruled by liturgy or ritual or the authority of other people. They may find the trappings and rituals of other expressions of faith uncomfortable.
Quaker leadership is always exercised on a temporary basis. We might serve as an elder for instance for three or six years before coming to the end of our service and those serving on the nominations committee find another to replace us. It’s like geese flying in formation . They need someone to lead but as they tire another moves forward to replace them and they recede. Service is given on an unpaid basis as a function of our spiritual life. Serving in the various roles and on the various committees is hugely developmental and grows us personally and spiritually. When I was serving as clerk to Central England Quakers and running our regular business meetings it was comforting to look around the room and count all the Friends who had previously served in this role. The nominations committee will seek to find those who will learn and grow in a role rather than just those who are highly experienced. We become used to seeing the potential in other people and to encouraging them. Our business meetings are seen as meetings for worship. We seek the will of God rather than a consensus on each issue.
There are Quakers who practice Buddhism or Anglicanism or Judaism for instance alongside their Quakerism. These Friends feel they need what they find in a silent meeting for worship alongside practicing the faith they grew up with perhaps. They may feel the need to sing hymns sometimes or add the practice of mindfulness and meditation to Quaker silence. Like those who are bilingual they are enriched by deeper insights gained from practicing both faiths and also bring new insights to the Quaker community
Some, such as myself, are convinced of the need to get involved in Interchurch and Interfaith initiatives, seeing this as part of the nature of seeing that of God in all and observing the many fundamentals that all the faiths have in common. We all agree for instance that we should care for Gods creation the earth and that love is at the centre of our beliefs.
In terms of those of no faith there are non theist Quakers. This is because we welcome everyone to attend our meetings. If a person feels that they benefit from a silent meeting for worship we will welcome their participation. They like us all are on their own spiritual journey. God doesn’t exclude anyone so why should we? And we welcome new spiritual insights from wherever they may come. Some years ago I remember that a conference of non theist Quakers begged not to be rejected by other Friends, as they saw themselves as on the waves edge, valuing meeting for worship but not able to accept that there is a God.
Internationally Quakers have always been very active. Early Friends travelled widely and internationally to preach. George Fox himself crossed the Atlantic and visited the West Indies. There are more Quakers in America and Africa now by far than there are in the UK.
The Quaker United Nations Office does great work behind the scenes, getting world leaders to talk with each other confidentially. It’s respected by all as a neutral presence and because of the Quaker emphasis on peace. We firmly believe that fighting ultimately achieves nothing and that in the end negotiation has to be the answer.
For the same reasons the staff of Quakers in Britain have for many years been trusted to manage the Ecumenical Accompanier programme in Palestine on behalf of all the UK churches.
In the UK it is a source of some concern to Friends that there are not many Quakers of colour and that we are mostly middle class, when we see ourselves as welcoming everyone. Perhaps Quakerism is seen as too demanding. Some do say that they are not good enough to be Quakers. Certainly Friends themselves are not perfect. Though we aspire to live by our testimonies we constantly fail and have to try again, held back by social conditioning and prejudice and lack of forethought or awareness. It’s not easy to live a simple life. How to reduce the clutter and resist consumerism? How to cope without a car or give up plane trips to foreign holidays to reduce your use of fossil fuels? How to overcome the temptation to keep taking on more things to do and devote oneself to a life of contemplation where less can come between the self and that still small voice of God?
The only thing to do is keep returning to Meeting for Worship, however you may feel because regular attendance make you feel more centred and able to cope with life – and then to reach out to one’s friends, because true godliness don’t turn men out of the world but enables them to live better in it, as William Penn said in 1682.
To close it’s often said that organising Quakers is like herding cats because everyone thinks for themself – but actually because we are used to working as part of committees and because we are good listeners we are quite used to working together. On Saturday a tapestry featuring the life of the ocean that we had made was installed at Bournville Parish Church, St Francis, as part of their centenary celebrations. They are putting on performances of the Ocean Musical, hence the ocean theme. A number of us had worked on it together for months. Everyone was delighted by what we had achieved. So I believe that working together could be a major expression of Quaker Friendship.